Effects of bullying on children: Warning signs every parent should know

A child who once enjoyed going to school suddenly starts asking to stay home.

Their grades drop, they withdraw from friends or become unusually quiet.

Parents may initially attribute the changes to adolescence, indiscipline or loss of interest in school.

But sometimes, the problem is happening among the very people a child spends most of their day with: their peers.

Bullying is not simply children disagreeing or teasing one another.

Kenya's Department of Children Services defines it as unwanted aggressive behaviour involving repeated physical, psychological or social harm, including behaviour that takes place online.

It can involve insults, intimidation, physical attacks, humiliation, exclusion and cyberbullying.

The psychological damage

One of the most immediate effects of bullying is its impact on a child's emotional wellbeing.

Repeated humiliation, threats and rejection can make children feel worthless, embarrassed or constantly anxious.

Some begin believing the negative things said about them, gradually losing confidence in their appearance, abilities and relationships.

Bullying is also associated with depression, loneliness, fear and social withdrawal.

Children may avoid making friends, participating in classroom activities or expressing themselves because they fear becoming targets again.

School performance takes a hit

A child who feels unsafe at school will struggle to concentrate on learning.

Bullying can lead to declining academic performance, absenteeism, loss of interest in school activities and, in serious cases, school avoidance.

Some children deliberately arrive late or look for excuses to miss lessons because they want to avoid particular classmates, corridors, playgrounds or other places where the bullying happens.

A Kenyan study published in BMC Psychiatry in April 2024 examined 2,652 students from 10 secondary schools.

It found that 82% of participants had experienced face-to-face bullying, while 68% reported experiencing it almost daily in the preceding six months.

Both face-to-face bullying and cyberbullying were associated with suicidal thoughts, plans and attempts.

The findings relate to the study's selected schools, not every Kenyan student.

Physical health can suffer

The effects are not always visible as bruises or other injuries.

Children experiencing persistent bullying may complain of headaches, stomachaches and other unexplained physical discomfort.

Changes in sleeping patterns, nightmares, appetite and frequent tiredness can also occur.

These complaints may be linked to the stress and anxiety surrounding their experiences.

Isolation and lasting emotional effects

Some children stop participating in sports, clubs and social activities.

Others withdraw from friendships or become suspicious of people around them.

The consequences can extend beyond the immediate school environment.

Research has associated childhood bullying with later difficulties involving relationships, emotional wellbeing and mental health.

Children who witness bullying can also experience fear and helplessness, particularly when they believe they could become the next targets.

Warning signs parents should not ignore

Bullying is not always reported directly. Parents should watch for sudden behavioural changes, including:

• Unexplained injuries, damaged clothing or missing belongings.

• Reluctance to attend school or participate in school activities.

• Declining grades or loss of interest in learning.

• Withdrawal from friends and family.

• Frequent headaches, stomachaches or sleeping difficulties.

• Unusual distress after using a phone or social media.

• Repeated requests for money or unexplained loss of possessions.

No single sign proves that a child is being bullied.

However, persistent changes deserve attention and a conversation.

Taking bullying seriously

Parents should give children room to explain what is happening without blame or judgement.

Persistent anxiety, depression, school refusal or signs of self-harm require professional attention.

Kenya's Department of Children Services and UNICEF have repeatedly highlighted the need for stronger child-protection systems, school-based prevention and access to psychosocial support.

A child who is repeatedly humiliated, threatened or isolated needs protection and support, not instructions to simply toughen up.