Nyokabi Macharia on how upbringing shapes men’s reactions to successful partners

Marriages today are carrying the weight of traditions that no longer match the world we live in.

As women rise in their careers and embrace independence, many relationships are being forced to confront expectations formed decades ago.

When Nyokabi Macharia appeared on Iko Nini, she argued that much of the tension between successful women and men is rooted in how millennial men and the generations before them were raised.

They were taught that providing was the core of masculinity, yet they now find themselves in relationships where women contribute equally or even more.

Her perspective raises a bigger, more uncomfortable question: is this resistance truly universal, or is it a generational hangover that younger men, especially Gen Z, are already beginning to outgrow?

Nyokabi’s core argument is that many men were never prepared for a world where women would match or surpass them professionally.

For decades, society embedded the belief that a man’s value was tied to his ability to provide. Financial leadership was expected. Authority in the household came naturally with it.

As she put it, men have, for generations, been socialised to provide and to lead the household. This was not about preference, it was about cultural design.

Boys were encouraged to pursue stability, responsibility and career success. Girls, on the other hand, were often guided towards domestic roles and emotional labour.

But the world shifted dramatically. Women gained access to education, entered powerful professions and built careers that demanded time, energy and ambition.

The rise of the empowered woman disrupted the familiar rhythm of the home and many men found themselves with no updated script to follow.

According to Nyokabi, the confusion many millennial men feel is not surprising. They were raised on examples of fathers and grandfathers who provided financially while their wives stayed home. That was the structure they internalised.

In that context, a woman arriving home at 10 p.m. from a gig or long shift doesn’t just challenge logistics it challenges identity.

If a man grew up believing his role was fixed at the top of the family hierarchy, shared responsibility becomes disorienting.

Nyokabi argued that this mismatch between expectation and reality leaves many men unsure of how to navigate a partnership where power, time and finances are equally distributed.

One of the strongest points Nyokabi raised is the failure of couples to renegotiate household roles.

Many modern families are dual-income, yet they still operate under outdated assumptions about who should do what.

This imbalance becomes especially visible when both partners work full-time but domestic labour still falls primarily on the woman.

But to be fair, not all of this stems from men refusing to adapt. Sometimes women internalise traditional roles and feel pressure to maintain the home even when they are equally busy.

Both partners can be held hostage by tradition even when they want something different.

Nyokabi’s argument rings true for many millennial relationships, but it becomes less accurate when applied to younger generations.

Gen Z, for instance, appears far more fluid in their approach to gender roles. Many grew up in households where both parents worked, or where a single mother held things together.

That exposure reshaped their view of masculinity. For many Gen Z men, identity is less tied to providing and more tied to emotional intelligence, mutual support and shared responsibility.

Some even prefer dating financially stable partners because it reduces pressure, making relationships feel more balanced and less transactional.

Nyokabi referenced scenarios where women return home late from gigs or creative work. While this can create friction, it’s important to recognise that compatibility not gender often lies at the centre of these conflicts.