When you’ve finally made it, these are the things you’ll exhibit.

Big tummy

All big everything. Your tummy and your other “assets” suddenly get rounder and chubbier. Mo money, mo weight gain.

Cars

They’re bigger, louder and you seem to want them painted gold. Or another obnoxious colour like matte black.

You suddenly know everyone

You have the kind of connections you wish you had back when you were in college. And you’re not really sure how all those MPs and businessmen ended up in your phonebook.

You suddenly need a social media manager

The number of engagements you’re getting back on your social media posts is becoming unmanageable and for a second you entertain the idea that you need to employ somebody to manage all the posts for you.

There rumours about you

You get a sensationalist blogger suddenly talking about how you’re a devil worshipper or a new Illuminati recruit. And even more flattering, your family eats that $#*! Right up.

Your phone’s model isn’t available locally

Your workmate: Wah! Where did you get that phone?

You: I imported it.

You own a lot more African print fabrics

As your levels of wealth increase, so does your affinity for appearing wannabe. For some reason, people of affluence get a lot of tailored cloths with African prints. Your blazers have unique Ankara lapels that were specially tailored on by a seamstress in Karen.

You are a frequent Uber customer

Duh

When people borrow you money, you’re not even surprised at the amount

You’re ready to give it out even though it’s Sh20,000

You’re not worried about debts any more

You clear your bills, have no debts and even leave extra money with your mama mboga to cover extra costs.

You always go on trips

People with money are the ones who are always spending every weekend zip lining then go karting then bungee jumping and they have countless insta stories of how they went sky diving.

Show offs.