Stop asking for permission: Ciru Muriuki’s advice to young women

Media personality Ciru Muriuki has challenged long-standing societal expectations placed on women, urging them to reject the pursuit of ‘agreeableness’ in favour of audacity.

In a viral clip, the 43-year-old broadcaster addressed the ‘bitterness’ often attributed to older, unmarried women, reframing it as a byproduct of disillusionment with patriarchal promises.

Muriuki’s commentary is a critique of the traditional social contract offered to women, which suggests that compliance in all aspects of their lives leads to fulfillment.

For generations, society has used the trope of the ‘bitter older woman’ as a cautionary tale to encourage young women to marry early and remain compliant.

Muriuki, however, argues that this perceived bitterness is actually a moment of clarity.

She contends that the frustration seen in older women often stems from the realisation that the rewards promised for ‘good behaviour’ rarely materialise.

According to Muriuki, women are frequently told that if they remain well-behaved and adhere to the structures of the patriarchy, they will be rewarded with security and happiness.

According to her, this is a falsehood.

Ciru also deconstructs marriage as the ultimate destination for female success.

While acknowledging that marriage can bring happiness for some, she warns against viewing it as a guaranteed path to fulfillment.

She further challenges the ‘good girl’ trope - the idea that being agreeable and accommodating is the most effective way for a woman to achieve her goals.

Muriuki describes this as a systemic deception designed to keep women manageable rather than successful.

In perhaps her most provocative stance, Muriuki advocates for what she terms ‘mannerless’ behaviour.

In this context, ‘mannerless’ does not refer to a lack of basic etiquette, but rather a refusal to shrink oneself to fit social expectations.

She equates being ‘mannerless’ with being audacious and disruptive to the status quo.

In Ciru Muriuki's observation, the women who excel in professional and personal spheres are those who stop seeking validation or waiting for external approval, those who possess the audacity to claim space without apology.

Muriuki ends her message to the younger generation of Kenyan women with a call to agency.

By rejecting the need to be ‘agreeable,’ women can bypass the limitations set by traditional expectations.

Her parting shot is a rejection of the deferential posture many women are socialised to adopt from childhood: