Im currently fighting with my mom, and its all COVID-19s fault. When the virus first took hold in my area, my husband and I made the tough decision to not allow anyoneour parents includedinto our place. We have three young kids, and it just didnt make sense to take the risk.

My mom took the news...okay-ish. While she respected our decision, she would make comments about how it was too hard when I suggested we all take a social distancing walk together, and she stopped talking to me as much as usual. Also, my sister and her family continued to see my parents on daily basis, soyeah. That didnt make it easier for anyone in my family to accept my decision.

Fast-forward to now, and my mom called to ask when she could see the kids again. But in practically the same breath, she mentioned that she had just had my aunt and uncle over for dinner.

I froze. My parents havent been as safe as Id like during this pandemic. They went to the gardening store on a whim, and while theyve mostly stayed home, they still interacted with other people more than experts have recommended. I almost had a heart attack when my mom suggested hosting an Easter brunch at her place with friends and family. (She did, BTW, and no, I wasnt there.)

TBH, I probably didnt handle the next part well. I stumbled over my words and said that I wasnt quite sure when wed see them again. It was a total panic-induced word-vomit, sparked by the fact that I just dont know when Ill feel comfortable coming into close contact with anyone outside of the family members living in my home.

My mom didnt take it well, and the conversation ended quickly. Its been two days, and we havent talked since. Despite a few apology texts about the way I handled it (which got zero reply, TYVM), I still have no freaking clue what to do.

I know Im not the only one going through this. Stay-at-home orders are lifting across the country, but that doesnt necessarily mean that its safe to see family and friends again in the same way you did before the pandemic. Still, if you dont want to live your life as a germaphobic hermit, what are you supposed to do? I consulted with pros to get some answers.

Unfortunately, this isnt the kind of thing experts can slap a date on. Because the virus isnt going to disappear without a vaccine , its eventually going to come down to individual risk tolerance and thinking about what is and isnt essential in your life, says infectious disease expert Amesh A. Adalja, MD, senior scholar at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security. Until we have a vaccine, no amount of interaction is going to be without risk of transmission.

Suzanne Willard, PhD, a clinical professor and associate dean for global health at the Rutgers School of Nursing, agrees. It is all about your idea of what risk is, she says. You cannot know what every individual has been doing or where they have been going.

\"Its not like COVID-19 magically disappeared because politicians decided its okay for you to go out.\"

In a perfect world, everyone would stay in quarantine until COVID-19 goes away. But in reality, thats impossible. Its not going to be feasible for most people to not see friends and family until we get a vaccine, Dr. Adalja says. The point of social distancing was to flatten the curve and to attempt to give the medical community time to prepare for COVID-19 patients, he explains. Now that thats happened in many areas, stay-at-home orders are lifting, but COVID-19 is still out there.

Were still going to have to live with this virus until theres a vaccine, Dr. Adalja says. It will come down to a lot of individual choice and trade-off between the spread of the virus and how much living we want to do.

Once shelter-in-place orders lift, you can ~technically~ start to see friends and family again, but you ought to be doing it very cautiously, recommends William Schaffner, MD, an infectious disease specialist and professor at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine. Its not like COVID-19 magically disappeared because politicians decided its okay for you to go out again, he points out.

That said, if youre immunocompromised or otherwise at a higher risk of having a severe case of COVID-19 , Dr. Schaffner says you probably want to be extra cautious and hold off on coming into close contact with others. Think twice about seeing other people, he says.

Thats also true if you happen to have a loved who is at a higher risk. Up to 25 percent of people with COVID-19 have no symptoms, so theres a chance that you could unknowingly spread the virus to someone else without even realizing it, Dr. Schaffner says.

Basically, theres no one-size-fits-all approach here. And yeah, it sucks.

Social distancingto the extent that you can do itis still important, Dr. Adalja says. Social distancing denies the virus the ability to move from one person to another because the more people interact with each other, the more likely the virus is to infect someone else. It is the only tool we have against COVID-19 right now, he says.

So if youre planning to meet up with people, Dr. Schaffner says its not a bad idea to do it outside when possible. That way, you can do your best to maintain social distancing and potentially lower your risk of contracting the virus, he says.

If you see people outside, the air and breezes actually dilute any potential virus, he says. That doesnt mean you cant get COVID-19 when youre outside, he addsyour risk just might be a little lower than if someone infected was inside the same space as you, touching and breathing on common surfaces.

But the infectious disease police arent going to come after you if you actually have someone over to your place (or go to theirs). People have to make these choices for themselves, Dr. Adalja says.

People have been flooding social media with end-of-quarantine party ideas (and I so get it), but experts say its really not a good idea to host or hit up one of these. Even though there may be an end to stay-at-home orders, the virus is still here, Dr. Adalja says. Any kind of mass gathering like a party could be an opportunity for the virus to spread among people.

Think of it this way: If just one person at the party happens to be infected, the odds are really high that plenty of othersincluding youwill end up being infected, too. From there, you and everyone else can pass it on to your families, coworkers, and anyone else you come into contact with. And, safety concerns aside, do you really want to be known as the person who hosted the party that got everyone sick?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) specifically calls out people who are 65 and up, as well as those who live in a nursing home or long-term care facility, as being at high risk of severe illness from COVID-19. People with a variety of other conditions may also fall into high-risk groupsand that risk doesnt just go away when stay-at-home orders lift.

If you can, Dr. Willard recommends keeping your distance. Keep in touch by phone or have them set up on video conferencing, she says.

Of course, that may be impossible if youre a caregiver for an elderly relative. Again, it ultimately comes down to comfort with everyones level of risk.

Elderly people are going to have to be careful, but its still their choice, Dr. Adalja says. He recommends talking with the elderly person in your life to come up with a plan. Maybe youll both wear masks when you interact and youll wipe down all surfaces on your way out the doorthese are all things youll need to figure out together.

If youve been diligent about social distancing and you know certain friends and family have, too, it may be safer to stick with this core group as things open up again, Dr. Adalja says.

These type of arrangements will be safer than just randomly seeing people, but just remember that nothing is going to be risk-free, he says. Its also next-to-impossible to know what people in your inner circle are doing to stay safe at times when you're not around, he points out, so its not like theres zero chance you can get infected this way.

Ultimately, experts stress that you should be as safe as possible while still trying to live your life. Know that this virus hasnt gone away, Dr. Willard says. These are trying timesunprecedentedand the novelty of stay-at-home has certainly worn away. So, keep a clear head, know that life isnt what it used to be but that it is life. Be respectful of the gift of being alive.

Dr. Schaffner stresses the importance of accepting that life isnt normal anymore. Its some semblance of normalcy, he says. And, for quite some time, it will be the new normal.

As for me, Im not sure what I'm going to do. Two months of #quarantinelife has made me nervous about coming into close contact with anyone, and those feelings dont just disappearespecially since the virus is still circulating. Hopefully, I can buy a little more time to figure it all out.